Well today has been pretty emotional.
I started off being my usual positive self even though I was running on no sleep.
Diddy needed to fast for half the day, which she was not too impressed with, then i had to hold her down while they did the barium thingy which she was also not impressed with. She screamed and screamed. I felt so bad but I just held it all in.
Then the ENT did the camera down the throat and up the nose thing. Usually they put babies under a general anasthetic to do it but there were no theatres available so they decided to do it without. At first she seemed ok, probably because she was asleep, but she woke up midway through and the terrified look on her face broke my heart. She screamed and screamed while they finished the procedure. I couldn't even comfort her.
The barium thing was completely normal and the camera thing found no obstructions and nothing wrong with her airways. Her adenoids were on the large side, but not big enough to be the cause of her problems.
I think it was just after that, that the reality of it all hit me. I thought that it would be her adenoids for sure and that it would be an easy fix to just whip them out down the track and eliminate the problem.
Before I talk anymore about that let me tell you about my day. I was so bored today I spent most of the time, that I wasnt tending to isabelle, rearranging my corner of the shared room to make it comfortable. I also spent a bit of time desensitising myself to the shared bathroom. So I was none too impressed when the nurse came in and told me I was moving to another more suitable room (still shared though). so we had to shift all my stuff and it was cermoniously dumped in my new space. It was then that I found out that my new shared ensuite had a 2nd door going out in to the corridor for the general public to use and IT COULD NOT BE LOCKED!!! This piece of information pushed me right over the edge and I began to bawl. My fear of pubic toilets had cracked the wall of positiveness I had been surrounding myself with.
Once I had started it was hard to stop with the whole 'poor me' pity party I was having. I know that in the grand scheme of things Diddys problems are quite minor and not life threatening. But I had convinced myself that it was her adenoids and that this was a temporary problem that would be fixed with surgery in a years time. I was not prepared for it to be an unknown problem or for her to have the cpap for years, as the dr had suggested.
So I don't know what the next step is. I think we will be released on Mon and then come back every 3 months to see if the cpap needs adjusting. I have to wait to speak to the dr on mon morn.
(30 mins later)
Well! I have found out why they shifted me into a new room and it has nothing to do with being a bigger space (which I don't think it is anyway, just different shaped). the two other children in my room are a boy and a girl. The girl is 9 and the boy looks like he is pushing the upper limits of age for the childrens ward (i would guess 13yo). neither of them have their parents staying so they must have needed to have a third party in the room. the boy is very quiet but the little girl is loud. she has spent a good deal of the night chatting to me. she had been here for 2 months and is quite a handfull for the nurses. she wants them to remake her bed everytime she gets up, scratch her back, fetch her this and that.... her demands never stop!!! I felt really bad for the little girl. obviously she is lonely and hounds the nurses just so she can have company. I let her borrow Isabelle's 'piggy' teddy that Diddy sleeps with because the little girls dolly had gone missing and she couldn't sleep. It was quite funny actually. The little girl (lets call her sammy - not her real name though) wanted me to make Diddy smile for her. So even though Diddy was in a grumpy mood after her procedure I tickled and smiled at her until eventually she cracked a little smile. Sammy's response was 'that's not big enough. make her do it again'!!! lol!! I only wish I could tell you she was joking but she was dead serious. Sammy has quite a lot of problems, which she was obviously born with, and I think she must be used to people just responding to her every command. she is very sweet though (although I did hear a nurse refer to her as the 'terd').
anyway that's enough from me tonight. I should try to get some sleep while I can.
thanks everyone for your messages. they are helping the time pass in hospital.