Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Too Hard Basket

I'm giving up my daily blogging and tweeting.

It's waaay too hard.

To be honest I'd rather devote that extra time to writing my book.  Maybe it won't be as successful because I don't have a prior fan base but I really don't care.

B xx

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Twitter for Twits - an explanation for the Twitterly-Impaired

I thought I'd write a blog explaining Twitter.

It has only taken me since the 19th July, 2009 to finally figure it all out.  Now that I'm an expert, I feel  compelled to share my expertise with EVERYONE!!  (mainly so they can sign up for a twitter account and follow me).

Firstly, since I've been making a concerted effort to tweet, follow trends and comment on famous peoples tweets, I have managed to increase my own followers by 4%.  Yes.  I have risen from 25 followers to 26 followers in the last 3 days.

It may not seem like much but if every 3 day's my followers increases by 4% then I calculate that by......  actually I don't feel like calculating.... but I reckon that I will quickly begin to approach Ashton Kutcher in the popularity stakes.

So let me explain twitter.

A tweet is kind of like a FB status but if you want to tag someone you need to put an @ before their name and can only use 140 characters, so long profound thoughts are disallowed.  This tweet will come up in your followers news feeds.  If you put a hashtag '#' before a phrase or a word then people who search that phrase or word will be able to see your tweet.  If heaps of people start tweeting the same word or phrase with a hashtag next to it, then that word or phrase will be said to be 'trending'.

For example.  Yesterday I saw that #explainafilmplotbadly was trending.  So I decided to jump on the band wagon and compose my own tweet with that hashtag.  I tweeted:

Superficial girl uses big words in order to sleep with stepbrother.  #explainafilmplotbadly

If you were on twitter and you had clicked on that particular trending phrase, it would have brought up all the other tweets that have that hash tagged phrase attached to it, including mine.  (Incase you are wondering I was talking about the movie Clueless).

I also decided to put up a picture of my beloved Moo (pet pig) with the hashtag #antmselfie.  For the reality-tv impaired peeps out there #antmselfie is the tag you attach to a self taken picture, which is then uploaded to twitter or instagram, so that you can be in the running to be a contestant on Australia's Next Top Model.

Why am I bothering to do all these blogs and tweets?

As I've mentioned before, in my last two blog posts, I've been advised to build up a fan base before I get to the stage of publishing my book.  But it's a lot harder than it sounds.

I can't be funny on cue and am not overly witty.  Half the time people find things funny, that weren't intended to be funny. (e.g. My husband still laughs about the Costco post but when I re- read it, it just makes me mad).  So I am constantly lacking funny and insightful things to tweet about.

I do have some twips for first time twitter users though:

1.  I followed Donald Trump yesterday (mostly so I could mock him) and had to mute him within 5 minutes.  He over tweets and tweets the most ridiculous things.  It's not even funny.  Don't follow him.
2.  Miley Cyrus is ok to follow, if you like looking at selfies of Miley Cyrus.  If not, then don't bother.
3.  The most interesting people to follow aren't famous actors or musicians, they are writers (like me - obviously), comedian's and journalists.
4.  Don't follow anyone who has ever appeared on any of the top model series - it lowers your credibility.
5.  Actually, all reality tv stars are out - especially THE KARDASHIANS!!  They never have anything relevant or important to say.
6.  Kanye West is out too.
7.  Most importantly make sure you follow me!!

Anyway.  I'd better keep plugging along with my book.  Am struggling a bit at the moment.  I need some inspiration.

B xx

Monday, September 8, 2014


Ok.  Day 1 of writing daily (to increase my audience so when I finally finish my book - which will be delayed because I have to blog everyday - I have a million followers on my blog chomping at the bit to buy my book) and I am stuck for ideas.  

I really don't know how blogging regularly is supposed to increase my followers.  I've written over 100 posts since I first created my blog and have religiously and shamelessly promoted them on my own Facebook, my husbands Facebook & my sisters Facebook, and I still have the 14 followers I had to begin with (2 of them are my husband and sister so I'm not sure that counts).

So what am I going to write about?  Nothing. 

Yep.  Nothing happened today out of the ordinary.  I have nothing to say.  

I do have a really huge whinge about Coles I would like to get off my chest but I think I'll refrain as the last few posts have made me sound really whinny and negative (even though the posts where I whinge are my most popular ones - I think I am gifted in the art of whinging).

Alright, this is stupid.  I'm wasting time trying to think of things to write on this blog when what I really want to be writing is, my novel.  I think I'll leave you all.  The advice I received on blogging everyday offered no insight into how much you had to write everyday to attract followers so I'm assuming that something is better than nothing.  Let's see how many daily posts it takes to attract a new follower.  

Someone has to feel sorry for me eventually!!!!

B xx

P.S.  Just a little tid bit of information about my new book - I've invented new words :-)
I'm sure they will take off because I am such a #trendsetter

P.P.S.  I've been tweeting constantly to attract more twits and I haven't had a single person follow me.  Being popular is hard work!! :-/  

Sunday, September 7, 2014

My First Novel

I am 33 941 words into my first novel.  It's really hard.  Really, really hard.

After resigning from my permanent position with Ed Qld earlier this year I felt a little bit uneasy and lost.

I could no longer say I was a teacher and was forced to answer nosey questions such as 'what do you do?' with "I'm a housewife".  I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a housewife, I am just ashamed to say it because I am a terrible housewife.  Terrible beyond words.  There is always 6 loads of washing to put away and my floors always need cleaning, even when I've just cleaned them.

Earlier this year I decided it would be easier to buy new blinds and trick someone (Kristy) into installing them (whilst deceitfully leading people to believe that I helped her somehow) than it would be to dust the current blinds.  I'm a terrible, terrible housewife.  

So I needed a new profession.  Being the lazy, multitasker that I am, I decide to kill two birds with one stone and write a novel (which is on the on the list of things to do before I die).  That way I would be able to proudly proclaim to nosey check out people that I'm a Novelist whilst also ticking something off my list.   I'm writing a science fiction novel, which is a VERY surprising choice for someone who does not like science fiction. I have never watched a single one of the Star Wars movies or read a single science fiction book.  So it's brand new territory for me.

After gleefully editing my Facebook work information from reading 'Teacher' to 'Science Fiction Writer' I set about my working out the setting and characters for my new book.

I'm about 6 weeks into the book and have written 12 chapters.  I write everyday and spend anywhere between 30 minutes to 5 hours, depending on the amount of research I need to do in order to write the chapter I am working on.

I constantly switch from between LOVING my novel and imagining myself being interviewed on Ellen after the book has been made into a highly successful movie trilogy to absolutely hating my book and wondering 'what on Earth am I thinking?'.

Last night I had one of those nights where I was really swamped and felt like it was a crap idea and was going nowhere.  Hoping to find some motivation I decided to google novelists to find out what they get paid and how to be a successful one.   Novelists, especially first time novelists, rarely make much money at all from their book.  It's lucky that my motivation for writing this book is to tick a box on a list and have a more interesting career than 'housewife'.  I also realised that I would have to stop promising the kids that when my book gets published I will buy them a horse they can ride and pay for riding lessons a couple of times a week etc.

One authors website, that I stumbled across, advocated building up your social media following.  My blog has 14 followers and I have 22 twits following me on twitter, which is much less than what he recommended (he himself has millions and HAD millions before he even published his first book).

So now on top of writing my novel I am going to be tweeting my head off and hashtagging everything (apparently other people who hashtag similar things may start following you) and blogging as often as possible so I can build up my followers.  How this system works I have no idea.

Writing this blog is really difficult.  I think I can only write so many words a day before my words become finger dribble, spewing across my keyboard.

So, after posting this I'm hoping to have a few more blog followers and I will try hard to think of things I can tweet to make myself a more popular twit.

Sorry this is such sucky writing.  I've been writing all morning and am now devoid of any inspiration or creativity.

B xx