Tuesday, November 1, 2011

7 Days of Bianca - Day 5

Yesterday was another hectic day.

It began with a trip to a Skin Clinic to have a mole removed (or so I thought). I have had a mole on my back for a few months and it has been itching and driving me crazy. I decided to google 'itchy mole' the other day and found out, to my horror, that it can be one of the first signs of melanoma. Given that my Gran has had melanomas and countless skin cancers (actually you can count them - I just can't be bothered), I decided to ring the skin clinic to make an appt to have the mole removed.

The Skin Clinic in question, which I won't name, is in an upmarket suburb and has a good reputation. I have been going there for years. You have to pay a small fortune to go, but I don't mind because I feel like I am receiving proper treatment.

Yesterday my opinion of the Skin Clinic took a humongous nose dive. I walked into the new Dr's office and was surprised to see pictures of him on the wall with numerous celebrities and politicians, including the former russian president Mikhail Gorbachev. I immediately disliked him, assuming him to be a celebrity slut. My dislike for him was further aggravated when he paid almost zero attention to my itchy mole and instead focused most of his attention on my 'extremely sun damaged' face. He decided I needed to go next door, to his cosmetic surgery, to have a special picture taken of my face so I could see for myself how badly I needed him to do some cosmetic procedures.

Having your skin checked must have to be the most degrading thing a woman can experience. The highlight of my appointment was when he had to lift up each boob to search for skin cancers. He found something of interest under one breast because he instructed me to hold it up myself so he could peer closely with his magnifying glass. Luckily I don't embarrass easily and was quite happy to stand there in all my glory (although I did almost say 'these boobs may need lifting up to see under but they have nourished FOUR children!!!')

After declaring me skin cancer free I was sent next door for my 'free' photo.

I decided to go, for interests sake, not because I have any inclination to have any cosmetic procedures. Also, I was quite flattered that he thought I was concerned in anyway whatsoever about my appearance. Although as I was leaving the office, I asked him 'is this photo for medical or cosmetic purposes???'. He hesitated then said 'both' in a very undecided manner.

Next door a nurse greeted me and led me into a special room. She was blabbering on about how Dr So&So is so famous and that he treats movie stars and they come here just to see him. She pointed to a personally autographed picture of Cher on the wall. "Is he a real Dr of medicine?" I asked her as I was dubious that anyone in the medical profession would behave in the way he had. She took great offense to that question and then spent the next 10 minutes telling me about how renowned he is, which made me wish that I hadn't asked.

The photo she took of my face was horrendous. It was just a regular picture, but then she added some kind of special effect to it - which I'm sure any picture editor could do - that made my face look extremely blotchy. It seemed to make every freckle seem about 50% bigger and darker than it actually appears. She then zoomed in on my skin so I was viewing it extremely close up. Every pore looked like an enormous black lake on a barren land.

After she considered that I was suitably frightened, she launched into a description of the various products I could buy (apparently Dr So&So has developed his own creams) and what cosmetic procedures I could have to reduce my 'premature aging'. "Have these creams been clinically tested?" I demanded to know. She answered "of course". "May I please view the results??" "oh, I don't know, the Dr has them somewhere......". She gave me a sample of some cream that would make the skin on my face as smooth and blemish free as a baby's bottom and would eradicate any marks that may turn into cancer in the future.

I think she was extremely shocked when I left the clinic, having not bought a thing. I think her skill level at convincing people that they needed to do something urgently was impeccable. Unfortunately, I am the patient from hell. I am so sceptical of any products that haven't been independently clinically tested in double blind trials. Don't even bother talking to me about something unless it has been published in scientific journals and reviewed by other scientists. The cream actually had part of the word 'medical' in its name - which for me is like ADVERTISING that it is NOT a medical product.

From there I took my itchy mole back home to get ready to take the caravan down the Gold Coast. I was so annoyed that it was still on my back!!!

Ben and I dropped the caravan down to Kristy's house and headed home so I could get ready to take Diddy into hospital.

Hospital was a non event. They hooked Diddy up to 6 million machines to monitor how her stats were overnight. I had sushi for dinner, followed by some chocolate and an early night. She was fine. Her stats were good enough for us to leave this morning so that was a relief. I am now getting ready to drive to Syd. Wahoo!!!

Will try to write some stuff tonight.



  1. Im impressed that you didnt name them. They sure did pick the wrong client to con!

  2. Hmmm...dubious! Funny though, I remember going to an Ella Bache clinic once and having a similiar thermal photo of my face which was hideous, needless to say... I didn't buy their products to 'fix up those blemishes'... "I'll keep my blemishes and keep using my relatively cheap cleanser thanks!" Enjoy Sydney! :)

  3. Lol, very enjoyable to read. You're a natural writer.


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