Wednesday, June 8, 2011

When ADD meets EDD

I am going to make an attempt to describe the wonderful relationship I have with my husband.
Ben and I are polar opposites. A few years ago, when he was applying for a job interview, Ben had to list his weaknesses and strengths. Since I consider myself to be an expert on Ben's weaknesses I started to list them for him. Amazingly all the areas I considered Ben to have a weakness in were areas I considered myself to have a strength in. And vice versa - his strengths were my weaknesses.
I don't think you could find two more completely opposite people. But we make it work :-)
Ben is hyperfocused. He applies the most intense attention to every task he undertakes (except for dressing himself - anyone who sees my fb pics of him wearing torn clothes will understand). I once witnessed him step over Jasmine, who had just slipped in her own vomit and banged her head, to put his plate in the sink before attending to her. I was perched on the lounge feeding Rohan at the time, but if I had of been in his position, I would have put my plate down on the nearest flat surface and ran to her. If he is in the middle of something it is pretty much impossible to get his attention no matter what the emergency. He once gave me vouchers that entitled me to 'use this voucher to get me to stop what I am doing and pay attention to you for 30 minutes'. I got them the Christmas before last (08 I do believe) and as yet have been unable to use one. Not even a voucher being waved in his face is enough to pry him away from the cricket, fishing/flying forums or any of his projects.
I on the other hand have the complete opposite problem. About 25 minutes ago I was busily cleaning our spare room when I came across a cup that belonged in the kitchen. So downstairs I came to put the cup away and decided that I probably should clean the kitchen. Mid way through cleaning the kitchen I saw my phone and noticed that my friend Sig's mother had just made a move in scrabble. This made me think of Sig and how she has been doing so well keeping up to date on her blog lately. I then abandoned the kitchen and beelined the study so I could update my blog. So here I am typing away with a kitchen that is about 1/3 clean and a spare room that has had a few things put away and a cup removed.
Ben constantly jokes that I have ADD. Actually I don't think he is joking. But as I have told Ben, the only thing that interests me about his internet diagnosis of my ADD is that the medication for ADD apparently makes you lose weight. The girl inside me, who spent 20 years dieting before deciding to stop dieting forever, was really excited for a few seconds before I realising that it was stupid. I would never medicate myself. I would worry that I would become exactly like Ben :-P
I tell Ben that I will get help for my ADD when he gets help for his EDD. Emotional Deficit Disorder or EDD for short, required no internet diagnosis because I don't believe it is a real condition. Ben, when we met, claimed to have not shed one single tear in his whole adult life. Not even when people he knew died. I can attest to the fact that his eyes didn't even so much as glass over when our children were born or when we were married. In fact in our entire relationship I have seen one single solitary tear slide down his cheek. This was at my fathers funeral as they were closing the curtains on dad's coffin. My mother, grandmother, sisters and myself were sobbing uncontrollably and at this point I felt Ben's grip tighten on my hand. He whispered in my ear 'have a look at this' and I looked up to see a single tear slide down his right cheek. I was amazed!!!
I really think Ben and I complement each other perfectly. Even though our personalities are so different we have the same approach to marriage and child rearing. We both believe that marriage is forever and we both want to raise our kids to be happy healthy adults. Ben is extremely supportive of the homeschooling and the decision to homeschool the children was made togethere.
He is able to help me to develop in the areas I am crap in (money, cleaning, organisation etc) and I am able to help him develop in his weak areas (acting interested in something someone is saying when really you aren't, keeping your eyes open at the dinner table when we have guests, wearing shoes in public bathrooms, not being such a tight arse etc). *I haven't been able to have much sucess in the tight arse area....
I'm sure you will hear lots of things about Ben in my posts so I hope this has given you a good background on our relationship.
I had better get back cleaning the kitchen/spare room before Ben comes home from fishing :-)
I love you Ben!!!!!!! xoxo

1 comment:

  1. Oh MY!!! WOW I LOVE this Bianca, just beautiful. It is such an insight to you two as a couple and both of you as individuals. I am so glad I inspired you to do a post ;) and that I took the time to read it. I feel like I know you both a little more after reading that.
    Rob and I look forward to spending more time with your lovely family xx


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