Twitter for Twits - an explanation for the Twitterly-Impaired

I thought I'd write a blog explaining Twitter.

It has only taken me since the 19th July, 2009 to finally figure it all out.  Now that I'm an expert, I feel  compelled to share my expertise with EVERYONE!!  (mainly so they can sign up for a twitter account and follow me).

Firstly, since I've been making a concerted effort to tweet, follow trends and comment on famous peoples tweets, I have managed to increase my own followers by 4%.  Yes.  I have risen from 25 followers to 26 followers in the last 3 days.

It may not seem like much but if every 3 day's my followers increases by 4% then I calculate that by......  actually I don't feel like calculating.... but I reckon that I will quickly begin to approach Ashton Kutcher in the popularity stakes.

So let me explain twitter.

A tweet is kind of like a FB status but if you want to tag someone you need to put an @ before their name and can only use 140 characters, so long profound thoughts are disallowed.  This tweet will come up in your followers news feeds.  If you put a hashtag '#' before a phrase or a word then people who search that phrase or word will be able to see your tweet.  If heaps of people start tweeting the same word or phrase with a hashtag next to it, then that word or phrase will be said to be 'trending'.

For example.  Yesterday I saw that #explainafilmplotbadly was trending.  So I decided to jump on the band wagon and compose my own tweet with that hashtag.  I tweeted:

Superficial girl uses big words in order to sleep with stepbrother.  #explainafilmplotbadly

If you were on twitter and you had clicked on that particular trending phrase, it would have brought up all the other tweets that have that hash tagged phrase attached to it, including mine.  (Incase you are wondering I was talking about the movie Clueless).

I also decided to put up a picture of my beloved Moo (pet pig) with the hashtag #antmselfie.  For the reality-tv impaired peeps out there #antmselfie is the tag you attach to a self taken picture, which is then uploaded to twitter or instagram, so that you can be in the running to be a contestant on Australia's Next Top Model.

Why am I bothering to do all these blogs and tweets?

As I've mentioned before, in my last two blog posts, I've been advised to build up a fan base before I get to the stage of publishing my book.  But it's a lot harder than it sounds.

I can't be funny on cue and am not overly witty.  Half the time people find things funny, that weren't intended to be funny. (e.g. My husband still laughs about the Costco post but when I re- read it, it just makes me mad).  So I am constantly lacking funny and insightful things to tweet about.

I do have some twips for first time twitter users though:

1.  I followed Donald Trump yesterday (mostly so I could mock him) and had to mute him within 5 minutes.  He over tweets and tweets the most ridiculous things.  It's not even funny.  Don't follow him.
2.  Miley Cyrus is ok to follow, if you like looking at selfies of Miley Cyrus.  If not, then don't bother.
3.  The most interesting people to follow aren't famous actors or musicians, they are writers (like me - obviously), comedian's and journalists.
4.  Don't follow anyone who has ever appeared on any of the top model series - it lowers your credibility.
5.  Actually, all reality tv stars are out - especially THE KARDASHIANS!!  They never have anything relevant or important to say.
6.  Kanye West is out too.
7.  Most importantly make sure you follow me!!

Anyway.  I'd better keep plugging along with my book.  Am struggling a bit at the moment.  I need some inspiration.

B xx