2015 - No time for Blogging!!

2015 has been a crazy, crazy year for me and as a result I've had no time for keeping up to date with my "Mummy Blog".  

But I thought I'd spend a few minutes this morning filling you all in on the busy, busy year that has prevented me from blogging.

Blogging hinderances:

1.  KIDS

Firstly, I seem to spend at least 100 hours a week ferrying my children back and fourth to different activities.  

Kylah - Kylah is the busiest of my 4 children.  She is currently doing 7 hours a week of musical theatre/dancing/singing lessons and has a lead role in a musical later this year that keeps her extremely busy.  She also plays tennis and has a volunteer job.  

Jasmine - My Jaz baby loved being a part of a netball team this year and we are very sad that the netball season is over.  She also does ballet lessons.  

Rohan - Rohan has done Martial Arts, tennis lessons and is about to start in a summer cricket club.  

Isabelle - Little Diddy has been enjoying ballet lessons. 

The kids all do their schooling through a private Distance Education school and are all excelling, making Ben and I very happy with the choice we made to educate them at home.  Their teacher, that visits our house, is very pleased with their progress. 

2.  MY SISTER

My little sister, Kristy, and I have an exceptionally close relationship.  Despite being polar opposites, in so many way's, we share the same sense of humour and an understanding of each other that is usually only reserved for twins.  

I had the honour of watching Kristy birth all three of her children and my two nephews and niece are like my surrogate children.

In fact I'm going to let you in on a little secret.  I breastfed all of Kristy's children at some point or another.  Was it because I was just too lazy to get them a bottle?  No.  Milk is milk and breast milk has been proven over and over again to be superior to formula.  For the milk drinkers out there - do you care which cow your milk comes from?  I didn't think so.  Wet nurses have been around for millennia and the notion that "breastfeeding someone else's child is disgusting" is a modern idea that has no scientific basis and is extremely judgemental.  

The fact that Kristy and I were able to breastfeed each others children proved to be a humongous benefit when my youngest, Diddy, was in hospital for long periods of a time as a baby.  I was able to have a break from the hospital to spend time with my other children, while Kristy would stay at the hospital with Diddy and could feed her when necessary.   

Kristy and I spend a lot of time together and have been on holidays together twice this year.  

3.  WORK

I am still a registered teacher (and have always maintained my registration) and over the past year I have dabbled in a bit of relief work.  

The majority of my work has been in another field though, which I am very excited to be getting experience in.  

Whilst I won't go into the specifics of the government agency that I have worked for, I will say that I am learning from some of the best people in the field and excited about the future opportunities that I will have as a result of the experience that I am gaining.  

4.  MY BOOK

Yes I am still writing my book.  It is half way through and unlike my blog, which is sometimes a little too truthful (*see above where I shared a little TMI about co-breastfeeding) my book is a work of fiction.  Science fiction/romance to be exact.  The last year has been less about writing and more about researching.  I want to make sure that the science behind all of the ideas in my book is plausible and this has required me to study a lot.  

5.    FRIENDS

I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such a wonderful group of friends that I absolutely love spending time with.  

I have a few friends that I am super close to that I have met through homeschooling/distance education.  I also have life long friends that I have known for what seems like forever.  

My friends are so spread out so keeping up with everyone takes a lot of time.  But I really put in the effort because friends are like a second family to me.  

They are all so different but every single one of them shares a key feature, that to me is more important than any lifestyle choice.  They are all decent human beings with good, kind hearts. 

Ben and I had the pleasure of a double date weekend to Melbourne with two of our good friends.  We had such a great time with this couple that in future I think we will always plan our Melbourne trips to be a double date.  

6.  FAMILY

Last but not least is my family.  When I am not busy with the kids, my hubby or working I am usually spending time with other members of my family.  Maintaining a relationship with my immediate and extended family is of the utmost importance with me.  One of the main values that I want to instil in my children is that family always come first.  Children will not just learn this from me brainwashing it into them.  They will also learn it from observing how I treat my own family and how Ben and I treat each other.  

Anyway, I have to get to work.  The kids have already started their Distance Education lessons and I need to be there to facilitate.  

Will hopefully get to write more of my "Mummy Blog" when my book is finished.  But for the near future.... I can't see it happening.  Will endeavour to check in every now and then with updates.

B xx

P.S.  Anyone reading this that would like information on the Distance Education school my children attend, my teacher registration or would like to clarify any other information at all please feel free to email me at the address attached to this blog and I can give you a call.  :-)

50 Synonyms for Baffled - My Review of the 50 Shades of Grey Movie

Due to the inability of '50 Shades of Grey' to hold my attention for more than 30 second intervals, I spent the entire movie playing word games in my head.  As 'baffled' was the feeling I was overwhelmed with for most of the movie I decided to see if I could list 50 synonyms for it to further describe my thoughts on the movie.

Confused.  Perplexed.  Mystified.  Bewildered.  Dumbfounded.  Befuddled.  Demented.  Flabbergasted.  Puzzled.  Astounded.  Rattled.  Shocked.  Aghast.  Floored.  Stupefied.  Stumped....  

Why baffled?  Well baffled may well be an understatement.  Let me start by admitting that I have read the books and yes I did find them erotic (although very poorly written).

I was so excited about this movie.  How on Earth did they get it so wrong???  More importantly - What the Hell is wrong with me that I LIKED the book in the first place??????

For starters Jamie Dornan's character in 'The Fall' (Paul Spector - a serial killer who stalks and strangles women) is a million times more likeable, endearing and attractive than his character, Christian Grey, in '50 Shades of Grey'.  I would go so far as to say that if those two characters were real life people, and I had to choose one to spend a weekend with on a deserted island, I would without a doubt pick Paul Spector in a heartbeat.

Does this mean I have a secret desire to spend a weekend with a serial killer?  NO!!  It means that Christian Grey was such an unlikeable character in the movie that I would rather be faced with potential strangulation than trapped with a controlling, obnoxious, smarmy assehole.

So much of this movie stumped me.  For starters there was no story line.  No main event. And no ending.

The much anticipated sex scenes were a total snooze fest.  Dakota Johnson spent most of the movie bound up naked, writhing around.  A couple of times you would see Jamie Dornan kiss her but the passion between them was non existent.  I felt quite awkward watching them together.  Kind of like I was watching something that was REALLY wrong.  Like a brother and sister together.  The number of times I grimaced and looked away during those scenes was uncountable.

I feel like the movie took the bad parts of the book, that I probably overlooked or dismissed (due to my interest in the colourful way the sex was described), and amplified them to the point that I feel like I need to remove the book from my house and burn it.

I previously scorned at my sister for suggesting a parallel between the relationship of Christian and Ana, with a peodophile  and his victim.  But the movie bought this parallel forward in a shocking and gruesome light.  I did feel like Ana's behaviour was extremely childlike.  Her demeanour, the way she dressed, her behaviour.... was much more like a 14 year old girl than a 20 something university graduate.

I also laughed at the notion that the 50 Shades of Grey book promotes domestic violence.  However, after watching the movie I completely understand that thought.  Christian Grey plays a controlling, dominant bastard who toys with the feelings of a vulnerable woman and receives pleasure for her pain (all the while buying her expensive gifts to make her feel like some kind of prostitute).

Over all I'm just confused.  Utterly baffled.  Don't waste your time seeing this movie.  There is nothing sexy at all about it and no storyline to speak of.  

All I have to say is THANK GOD I got a piece of popcorn stuck up the back of my tongue, as well as a piece in my tooth, as it gave me something to focus on during the movie & stopped me from wanting to gouge my own eyes out due to boredom (and also due to the fact that I don't want to see a brother and sister kiss).

 


 



 

Too Hard Basket

I'm giving up my daily blogging and tweeting.

It's waaay too hard.

To be honest I'd rather devote that extra time to writing my book.  Maybe it won't be as successful because I don't have a prior fan base but I really don't care.

B xx

Twitter for Twits - an explanation for the Twitterly-Impaired

I thought I'd write a blog explaining Twitter.

It has only taken me since the 19th July, 2009 to finally figure it all out.  Now that I'm an expert, I feel  compelled to share my expertise with EVERYONE!!  (mainly so they can sign up for a twitter account and follow me).

Firstly, since I've been making a concerted effort to tweet, follow trends and comment on famous peoples tweets, I have managed to increase my own followers by 4%.  Yes.  I have risen from 25 followers to 26 followers in the last 3 days.

It may not seem like much but if every 3 day's my followers increases by 4% then I calculate that by......  actually I don't feel like calculating.... but I reckon that I will quickly begin to approach Ashton Kutcher in the popularity stakes.

So let me explain twitter.

A tweet is kind of like a FB status but if you want to tag someone you need to put an @ before their name and can only use 140 characters, so long profound thoughts are disallowed.  This tweet will come up in your followers news feeds.  If you put a hashtag '#' before a phrase or a word then people who search that phrase or word will be able to see your tweet.  If heaps of people start tweeting the same word or phrase with a hashtag next to it, then that word or phrase will be said to be 'trending'.

For example.  Yesterday I saw that #explainafilmplotbadly was trending.  So I decided to jump on the band wagon and compose my own tweet with that hashtag.  I tweeted:

Superficial girl uses big words in order to sleep with stepbrother.  #explainafilmplotbadly

If you were on twitter and you had clicked on that particular trending phrase, it would have brought up all the other tweets that have that hash tagged phrase attached to it, including mine.  (Incase you are wondering I was talking about the movie Clueless).

I also decided to put up a picture of my beloved Moo (pet pig) with the hashtag #antmselfie.  For the reality-tv impaired peeps out there #antmselfie is the tag you attach to a self taken picture, which is then uploaded to twitter or instagram, so that you can be in the running to be a contestant on Australia's Next Top Model.

Why am I bothering to do all these blogs and tweets?

As I've mentioned before, in my last two blog posts, I've been advised to build up a fan base before I get to the stage of publishing my book.  But it's a lot harder than it sounds.

I can't be funny on cue and am not overly witty.  Half the time people find things funny, that weren't intended to be funny. (e.g. My husband still laughs about the Costco post but when I re- read it, it just makes me mad).  So I am constantly lacking funny and insightful things to tweet about.

I do have some twips for first time twitter users though:

1.  I followed Donald Trump yesterday (mostly so I could mock him) and had to mute him within 5 minutes.  He over tweets and tweets the most ridiculous things.  It's not even funny.  Don't follow him.
2.  Miley Cyrus is ok to follow, if you like looking at selfies of Miley Cyrus.  If not, then don't bother.
3.  The most interesting people to follow aren't famous actors or musicians, they are writers (like me - obviously), comedian's and journalists.
4.  Don't follow anyone who has ever appeared on any of the top model series - it lowers your credibility.
5.  Actually, all reality tv stars are out - especially THE KARDASHIANS!!  They never have anything relevant or important to say.
6.  Kanye West is out too.
7.  Most importantly make sure you follow me!!

Anyway.  I'd better keep plugging along with my book.  Am struggling a bit at the moment.  I need some inspiration.

B xx

Nothing

Ok.  Day 1 of writing daily (to increase my audience so when I finally finish my book - which will be delayed because I have to blog everyday - I have a million followers on my blog chomping at the bit to buy my book) and I am stuck for ideas.  

I really don't know how blogging regularly is supposed to increase my followers.  I've written over 100 posts since I first created my blog and have religiously and shamelessly promoted them on my own Facebook, my husbands Facebook & my sisters Facebook, and I still have the 14 followers I had to begin with (2 of them are my husband and sister so I'm not sure that counts).

So what am I going to write about?  Nothing. 

Yep.  Nothing happened today out of the ordinary.  I have nothing to say.  

I do have a really huge whinge about Coles I would like to get off my chest but I think I'll refrain as the last few posts have made me sound really whinny and negative (even though the posts where I whinge are my most popular ones - I think I am gifted in the art of whinging).

Alright, this is stupid.  I'm wasting time trying to think of things to write on this blog when what I really want to be writing is, my novel.  I think I'll leave you all.  The advice I received on blogging everyday offered no insight into how much you had to write everyday to attract followers so I'm assuming that something is better than nothing.  Let's see how many daily posts it takes to attract a new follower.  

Someone has to feel sorry for me eventually!!!!

B xx

P.S.  Just a little tid bit of information about my new book - I've invented new words :-)

I'm sure they will take off because I am such a #trendsetter

P.P.S.  I've been tweeting constantly to attract more twits and I haven't had a single person follow me.  Being popular is hard work!! :-/  

My First Novel

I am 33 941 words into my first novel.  It's really hard.  Really, really hard.

After resigning from my permanent position with Ed Qld earlier this year I felt a little bit uneasy and lost.

I could no longer say I was a teacher and was forced to answer nosey questions such as 'what do you do?' with "I'm a housewife".  I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a housewife, I am just ashamed to say it because I am a terrible housewife.  Terrible beyond words.  There is always 6 loads of washing to put away and my floors always need cleaning, even when I've just cleaned them.

Earlier this year I decided it would be easier to buy new blinds and trick someone (Kristy) into installing them (whilst deceitfully leading people to believe that I helped her somehow) than it would be to dust the current blinds.  I'm a terrible, terrible housewife.  

So I needed a new profession.  Being the lazy, multitasker that I am, I decide to kill two birds with one stone and write a novel (which is on the on the list of things to do before I die).  That way I would be able to proudly proclaim to nosey check out people that I'm a Novelist whilst also ticking something off my list.   I'm writing a science fiction novel, which is a VERY surprising choice for someone who does not like science fiction. I have never watched a single one of the Star Wars movies or read a single science fiction book.  So it's brand new territory for me.

After gleefully editing my Facebook work information from reading 'Teacher' to 'Science Fiction Writer' I set about my working out the setting and characters for my new book.

I'm about 6 weeks into the book and have written 12 chapters.  I write everyday and spend anywhere between 30 minutes to 5 hours, depending on the amount of research I need to do in order to write the chapter I am working on.

I constantly switch from between LOVING my novel and imagining myself being interviewed on Ellen after the book has been made into a highly successful movie trilogy to absolutely hating my book and wondering 'what on Earth am I thinking?'.

Last night I had one of those nights where I was really swamped and felt like it was a crap idea and was going nowhere.  Hoping to find some motivation I decided to google novelists to find out what they get paid and how to be a successful one.   Novelists, especially first time novelists, rarely make much money at all from their book.  It's lucky that my motivation for writing this book is to tick a box on a list and have a more interesting career than 'housewife'.  I also realised that I would have to stop promising the kids that when my book gets published I will buy them a horse they can ride and pay for riding lessons a couple of times a week etc.

One authors website, that I stumbled across, advocated building up your social media following.  My blog has 14 followers and I have 22 twits following me on twitter, which is much less than what he recommended (he himself has millions and HAD millions before he even published his first book).

So now on top of writing my novel I am going to be tweeting my head off and hashtagging everything (apparently other people who hashtag similar things may start following you) and blogging as often as possible so I can build up my followers.  How this system works I have no idea.

Writing this blog is really difficult.  I think I can only write so many words a day before my words become finger dribble, spewing across my keyboard.

So, after posting this I'm hoping to have a few more blog followers and I will try hard to think of things I can tweet to make myself a more popular twit.

Sorry this is such sucky writing.  I've been writing all morning and am now devoid of any inspiration or creativity.

B xx

Costco Update

Wow!!  Usually no one reads my blog or my crappy little reviews of places I like/don’t like.  Ok, so maybe Ben reads it (mostly because I logged into his email and changed his settings so that my blogs get emailed to him) and usually my sister or mum will read them. 

But gee whiz!!  My thoughts and experiences with Costco went positively viral!!  By viral I mean a few people that I DON’T KNOW read it!!!!  It got shared around a bit because some people found it funny… but I assure you it definitely wasn’t a ‘funny’ experience for me!!

I would just like to clarify that this is only MY experience with Costco and only MY thoughts on the whole paying someone to ALLOW me to shop. 

I have received a lot of comments lately calling me all sorts of nasty names and telling me that I should have done my research before going to the Costco opening.  These trouble me for a few reasons. 

Firstly, they are either coming from Costco employees (who I’m sure could track down all my details as my membership is registered with them) or they are from diehard Costco fans – who do nothing to dispel my suspicion that it is a giant cult.

Perhaps if you lived near a Costco it would be totally worth it for you to become a member because of fuel etc.  Or maybe you have 8 kids who would eat an entire box of Mars Bars every week so in that case it would totally be for you!!  

And perhaps I SHOULD have done my research before I went.  I’m not sure what I could have typed into Google to find out how rudely we would be treated but I’m sure if I spent a bit of time reading I could have clarified those membership rules.  I’m terribly sorry that I did not read the membership rules.  I already admitted in my last blog that I’m an idiot so I don’t know what more they are expecting?!? 

I’m just not used to being subjected to a whole heap of rules when I walk into a store.  Usually I feel like they WANT me to spend money.  I was quite happy to pay for my membership before I went and not opposed to the idea of paying to shop.  I didn’t realise however, that I would feel the way I did when I was there.  It was like some kind of epiphany hit me somewhere between the toilet rolls and my inability to find the 5kg Nutella jar.  I felt like I had been tricked by really clever marketing.  I like being rewarded to be loyal to a company.  For me personally, I don’t like paying to be loyal.  It just does not make sense to me or sit right with me.  Maybe it was because I was made to feel so unwelcome?  Who knows how I work!!

I do have the option of cancelling my membership and getting a full refund, as has also been pointed out.  But you know what?  The thought of going through all the rigmarole to do that makes me want to vomit.  Frankly I would rather pay another $60 than have anything more to do with them.  If they yell at eager, excited customers I dread to think what they say to unhappy ones!  Do I want to subject myself to that? No.  I’m still a little upset by all my haters and the names that I have been called (although secretly a little bit excited to have haters in the first place).    

While there were some employees that were extremely rude to me, I’m not saying that every Costco employee is rude.  In fact, some were lovely!!  The only one who was rude to me, who wasn’t a part of the elite management team, was a checkout boy.  I’m quite partial to the idea of forgiving him because it must have been an extremely stressful day and I would hate to be working under management that has no issues yelling at potential customers.  Imagine how they speak to their staff!!

Perhaps it was just me.  My older sister has always seemed to find that I can be extremely irritating (Love you Nicky!!) as I’m quite sure I can be.  But it is strange that Paul had the exact same issues with management speaking to him rudely (and I was nowhere near by to evoke irritation in them).  I have also been contacted by a lot of people who said they found the same thing. 

I was really let down by the whole Costco experience as I was SO EXCITED in the lead up to the opening.  My friends will confirm that I spent the entire time on our girls night talking about how excited I was and trying to pry information out of my friend who has spent time in America.

I do regret that I may have wrongly assumed that all the management were ‘imported’ because every single one that I had any dealings with had an accent.  It does make sense that Costco would bring management from pre-existing stores in America or Europe to manage their new stores in Australia.   So I apologise for saying that but at the time of writing the previous blog I was sleep deprived and fired up about a crappy experience and a huge disappointment.  I also realise that many Australians have accents so there is a chance that they were newly employed by Costco. 

In conclusion I whole heartedly support the ideas put forward by my ‘haters’ that you do your research before you go to Costco.  You can use my experience as part of your research, maybe you will stumble across a blog someone has written who has had an excellent experience, or maybe you will just read the terms and conditions and compare prices yourself. 

I am so over Costco.  This is my last blog about it.  In future I will stick to boring topics such as campsite reviews and crappy ramblings about cakes I’ve made or the daily chaos that is my life.   

B xx

P.S.  Just a disclaimer… I have promised in the past to not blog about something anymore and then gone back on my promise and kept blogging about it. 

P.P.S.  Unfortunately I have had to disable comments unless you follow my blog. This is due to all the charming individuals who identify themselves as ‘Anon’ and have been writing nasty things (which have since been deleted).